Second Fundamental Need

Second Fundamental Need: Meaningful connection

In the previous episode we explored the idea that each one of us has a strong need to feel our uniqueness, while recognizing that our uniqueness does not reside in our beliefs, preferences, inclinations, or habits. Furthermore, it was suggested that our uniqueness is not attached to anything that is temporary in ourselves. As a result, when we minimize our biases through regulating our tendencies, opinions and beliefs, it is much more likely that we can participate in each unrepeatable moment in a genuine way.

In a previous episode we contemplated this essential question, is the world hostile and dangerous or is it a place of cooperation? This question is essential because it relates to our second fundamental need, the need to feel a meaningful connection. How we answer this question has a powerful impact on our attitude and perspective, often influencing what we perceive and how we perceive it. For instance, if I think that the world is dangerous, and that everyone is trying to take advantage of me when I see a stranger coming toward me, I may be predisposed to feel danger and to be defensive. In fact, I may be inclined to interpret this strangers’ body language, demeanor, and appearance in a negative way. However, if my belief is that the world is a place of cooperation where most people are trying to do their best to be healthy and happy, I may interpret a stranger approaching in a different way. I may be willing to read their body language, demeanor, and appearance in a neutral or positive way. Reflect on this and notice if this sounds plausible to you.

Regardless of how you answer that essential question, it is difficult to argue that as humans we are best when we are alone. Notice what happens when you receive news that is important to you. As you start digesting the news notice if you immediately feel a natural desire to share it with somebody close to you. It really does not seem to matter if it is good or bad news, you want someone in your life to learn about them, either to celebrate something good that is happening, or to help you find a way to deal with a difficult situation that is unfolding. In either case, does it seem that knowing that you have somebody you can count on, even if it is just for moral support, makes a difference?

In a different context, even if you are a motivated and independent person, does it ever help to have a sympathetic ear to rehearse some ideas or to think through something you are trying to figure out or understand better? In other cases, do you find a stronger motivation when you can develop an idea or project with somebody else? It often happens that even when we are working alone, we may feel compelled to do better when we know that the fruits of our labor are going to be shared with others. It is also the case that the presence of others competing with us can give us an impulse to do better. Really take a moment to consider all of the different roles that other people play in our lives: relatives, friends, supporters, guides, recipients of our work, even as challengers to our ideas, is it possible that we need people? And that the more meaningful our connection with others is, the more fulfillment we experience? Even if everything is going perfectly for you, you are healthy, happy, and successful, what happens if you have nobody to share your life with?

It is not surprising that modern research is now confirming the importance of meaningful relationships for our physical and mental health. Being part of a community also appears to have a role in our longevity. Do you ever take time to reflect on the importance of your relationship with the people around you? Is it possible that having meaningful relationships is a fundamental need? Does it seem that even your intentions seem to be strengthened when you include others as the beneficiaries of your effort and dedication? If so, what are you doing to cultivate meaningful relationships with yourself? With the people around you? And even with other people that you may not know? Is it helpful to remember that meaningful relationships can manifest themselves in a variety of ways?

Also, to what extent is expressing your unbiased uniqueness and openness useful in establishing meaningful relationships with the world around you?
As always, take your time to explore these questions. First by contemplating the fundamental questions: How do I best access and express my uniqueness? How am I cultivating meaningful relationships? What is the relationship between my uniqueness and my relationships? Savor these questions and be open to noticing how this exploration can offer you applicable insights for your daily life.

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This is an excerpt from the book Unravel the thread: Applying the ancient wisdom of yoga to live a happy life

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