Validate – being with what is

Validating: Being with what is

When we try to be present, we find distractions that may indicate resistance to being present. One way of addressing these distractions is by validating. When you validate, you remember that nobody else can have the experience you are having because each of us is a unique being. Similarly, you cannot have the same experience as anybody else, no matter how hard you try. Even if you are in the same space with another person, your physical vantage point is different and the filters through which you experience each moment, such as your personal history, are also unique to you. This step, after pausing and feeling, helps you recognize that the experience you are having is valid simply because it is happening to you. For instance, consider that there are thousands of different events that had to happen in a particular way in order for this moment to be exactly as it is. No matter how powerful you think you are, it is impossible for any single person to manipulate the whole universe to make this moment such as it is. Furthermore, validating acts as a reminder that you are valid, that the fact that you are alive confirms undeniably that there is a reason for your existence, even when you are uncertain about what that reason may be. You validate by acknowledging that you are unique and that you have something unique to offer to the world.

Validating a moment doesn’t mean you have to like the moment; by seeing this moment as a valid experience, you choose not to struggle with what is happening. (Thoughts of “This is not what I expected,” or “This should not be happening,” or “Why is this happening to me?” are indications that you are struggling with this moment.) To validate is to make a conscious choice to acknowledge that your experience is valid, even if what you are experiencing is anxiety, fear, or happiness.
Validating your experience is also a way to let go of self-judgment. Basically, you are coming to this moment, whatever the moment might be, choosing to be with your life just as it is, and to be with yourself just as you are. In this moment you witness whatever is happening with as much clarity as possible.

Take as much time as it is comfortable to complete this exercise.

In a place without distractions, find a comfortable position where you can close your eyes and relax. Take your time to really feel at ease. Give yourself permission to direct all your attention to yourself. Bring to your mind the memory of a recent event that caused you minor frustration or discomfort, perhaps a moment that was embarrassing for you. Remember the event as clearly as possible and try to focus on what you are feeling rather than on trying to explain what happened. Perhaps try to locate the actual sensations in your body. Can you stay with what is happening right now and see whatever you are feeling as valid? Remember you do not need to like, approve of, or condone what happened. What does it take to see whatever is happening in your internal environment as a valid set of thoughts and emotions? Take a few moments to really contemplate this idea. Let it swirl around your internal environment and witness what develops. Can you withhold the tendency to comment and just feel? What happens when you stay with the sensations: Do they change? How?

Sometimes we react to unkind or uncomfortable memories by berating ourselves. That is not what validating is about. Some other times we may try to avoid or to fix what we are feeling. That is not validating, either. Validating is choosing to be OK with what you are feeling. Keep in mind that we have received the gift of being able to feel all kinds of sensations. For example, imagine that you could only feel cold and that you could not feel other temperatures. Or what if you could only taste some flavors and not all the flavors that exist. In such a case your life would be limited and missing many options full of potential. This exercise of feeling something that has upset you and not getting entangled with the many stories you could create about it gives you a way of processing your experiences and to make peace with yourself by making peace with your past. As you feel again the sensations of discomfort, you may notice that they lose some of their potency. If you remain focused on feeling, eventually those dis-comforting sensations dissolve. When you can think of that memory again and it does not generate reactivity, you have allowed it to consume its own emotional energy. Then, it is only a memory that you have integrated and have made peace with. Without being at peace with yourself right now, it is unlikely that you can move forward toward greater integration. Some people find it useful to channel their internal sense of discomfort as a source of energy that drives them in a more productive direction. What works best for you? What would it take for you to feel that you are valid? How does it feel when you see each moment as valid, if only because each moment is the result of the millions of moments before it? Take a moment to feel. Consider creating an intention of noticing when you feel discomfort, frustration or irritation to validate the sensations you are feeling in order to act consciously. Does this exercise have any effect on your ability to be present? Could this exercise be helpful in making peace with our own history?

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This is an excerpt from the book Unravel the thread: Applying the ancient wisdom of yoga to live a happy life

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